Friday, January 1, 2010

Looking Forward is Better Than Tripping Over Your Past Mistakes

2009 was a strange year.  A good year - new daughter, new job, but a tough year too.  Due to sleep deprivation that went on for a long time (about 10 months), the demands of my new job, and a lot of other things, it got pretty out of control for a while.   Bills were getting lost after being plopped in piles we never looked at, we lost all control of our budget, we returned phone calls and emails days and weeks late - if ever - and had to learn a new way of life.   Illness hit my family again and again- daughter, myself, occasionally my husband, at least one week out of every month since August.  Thankfully nothing serious, but added to the rest, exhausting.    

Our old life has been completely blown out the window.   Probably for good.  

At some point, you have to triage your life, not dissimilarly to a battle field hospital.  You pick and choose what can be saved and salvaged, what must be tended, and what you must bypass to save the rest.  And, as I've blogged earlier in the year about, sometimes you choose to spend money to save time.

One of the hardest transitions in being a parent is the complete lack of time.  Eventually some of it does come back, but never in the same way you had time before.   And after becoming a parent, figuring out how to put the pieces together of a life that resembles 'before' not at all is a challenge.

So, while I am grateful for all that came into my life in 2009, I'm not sorry to see it's backside either.  2010 just feels better.   I adore my daughter, my husband, my family and my job, but egads I am ready for a new year.    

In 2010, my goals are simple.  Drop the rest of the baby weight.  Get our finances back to where they were pre-baby (no, not in total outgo, but in savings definitely).  Stop stressing about what doesn't - can't - get done.  Blog more.  I miss that.  Run more. I miss that too.  

I'm grateful for the last year.  I'm also pretty proud of myself, despite all the mistakes I made.  There's a saying that goes: " How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time." 

This year I ate an elephant.  The hits kept coming, but I, and my amazing husband, just kept getting up kept going.   And somehow we did it. 

And so does every other parent, every day.  It's a great job - full of amazing rewards.  But damn, it's a tough one sometimes too. I now have a profound respect for parenthood.   

So 2010 should bring more blogging from me, hopefully more Zen in my life, and (oh please God) a smaller pant size.

Because I'm sick of elephant, and ordering salads from here on out.

Happy New Year.

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