The Costs of Maternity - So Far

I've just passed into my 18th week of pregnancy, and it's been enlightening on a money front.  We had spent a good deal of time trying to project the costs out, and up until we got that wonderful phone call, we thought we had it down.  We were in for a surprise or two or several.

Surprise #1: Non-maternity clothing costs

Sure, I knew I would need maternity clothes.  But what I didn't realize is that my $26.00 in a bella band (www.ingridandisabel.com), would only go so far.  I had expected it to cover most of the early stages of body change, as my belly grew.  Which it did, but I had failed to take into account the fact that other parts were growing too, and well before maternity clothing would fit.  2 sets of new bras and some new tops later, I adjusted for a few weeks, then grew again.  I also went up a couple pant sizes because no matter how nice that band was, there came a point where my current pants were just too uncomfortable to stay in.  Even buying the minimum, this was an unexpected cost.

Cost of clothing other than maternity: $150ish

Surprise #2: Food Aversions

I was lucky enough to never even have a touch of morning sickness.  What I did have, around week 8, was some serious food aversions.  To things like vegetables and seafood,  along with the smell of cooking chicken, which I normally love. The aversions were so strong I literally couldn't swallow certain foods.  For well over 6 weeks, I lived on bread, pasta, pizza and other carb-heavy foods.  This wreaked havoc on our CSA membership (although friends and family reaped the benefits as we gave food away) as well as our diet.  

Since a typical weeknight meal at home consisted of pan chicken and some veggies, it was a huge change in diet, and our grocery bill spiked accordingly, as well as the amount of take out we ate.  Thankfully some of my aversions have slowed, although the smell of grilling squash or cooked eggplant will still send me running for the hills.  Salad however, I can now eat by the ton.  

Cost of food aversions to our food budget: $250ish

Surprise #3: How hard maternity clothes are to buy, and how much they cost

Most of my maternity clothes window-shopping prior to pregnancy consisted of clearance items.  It never occurred to me that I might need to buy items before they went on sale.  I've recently started to make the transition to maternity, and while I still have managed to shop the sales, fall/winter maternity clothes are still full price - and they are not cheap, even the cheap stuff.   At this point, I am fitting into about the final 10-15% of my non-maternity clothes. 

I tried ebay and craigslist, only to realize I really needed to try stuff on.  And since the only resource of maternity clothes that is near my size, and not a good 6 inches shorter than me, is currently expecting, hand me downs are rare.  So we've ended up shopping.  

The thing about it is, you need everything.  From bras to work clothes to t-shirts and jeans, you have to start over.  And while I have started to supplement by borrowing from my husband's wardrobe, even that has a lifespan that will end before my maternity marathon is over.  I found that stressful - how would I know what was enough?  Where to start?  It was overwhelming financially to buy clothes for a short period of time, as well as just stressful from a scale perspective.  I'd spent years accumulating a wardrobe, and now I had to start from zero.

So, I've bought 2 maternity t-shirts, one pair of jeans, a winter dress, 3 pairs of pants for work, 1 pair of cropped pants for the warm days, a pair of chino cargo pants, and 4 tops for the office, pajamas, and a nursing top that should fit me through the  6th month or so, and then after I deliver.  I imagine I'll need a few more things over the next few months, but I plan to buy slow. I've received a few items from my younger sister as well. 

Even on sale, maternity stuff is pricey - they have a captive audience, after all.  

Cost of maternity so far: $320ish.  I expect to spend about $600 when all is said and done - a bit over our initial plans, but within reason according to other working women I know who have gone through this.  And I'll be doing a lot of laundry to keep up - even after spending all I have, the lack of variety makes that necessary.  But it is worth it, I'd rather be sick of my options than buy an entire new wardrobe.  1 pair of jeans will do for the entire time, thanks. 

Surprise #4: The cost of being tired

My energy has slowly increased over the last few weeks, but 'tired' is still how I answer when someone asks me how I am.  My stamina is not what it was before I got pregnant, and that has cost us money.  Where?  In lunches that didn't get packed, so they had to be bought at work.  In buying, instead of making, something to bring to a gathering.  In shopping for gifts at the last minute instead of shopping around for a good deal.   In a general lack of planning, that costs us by everything being done just in time, usually at a higher cost.  In last minute trips to the grocery store.

I had always known that being a planner saved us a lot of money, but I had never tested it out. Now I know for sure - our lifestyle depends on thinking ahead.  It's not the $7.50 spent on lunch that does us in  - it's doing that 1-2x a week for several months, or not packing enough snacks, so I run out and spend $1.50 on a brownie.  It's realizing at the last minute that you need to bring a gift or a dish or a bottle of wine, because you are only focused on getting through now, this moment.

In short, I've proved to myself that frugality and planning go hand in hand.  So I'm trying to spend more time on that.   

Total cost of lack of planning and being tired: over $200

Aside from the maternity clothes, which have been budgeted, we've hit our budget to the tune of about $600 in unplanned expenses over the last 18 weeks.  Some of that will be made up in upcoming overtime for me.  But what it really means is that the budget bears watching for the next 22 weeks and beyond.  I'm already working on a plan to stock our freezer with meals I prepare in advance for when the baby comes.  But it also means that I'm going to have to pick and choose what to do on weekends so I can keep up with the money-saving tasks our plans depend on us doing.

Pregnancy is full of surprises, most not financial.  But the financial ones make things a bit harder to swallow, especially for a planner like myself.  And I've realized that I need to plan more for the chaos that will come with the arrival of baby Moneypenny just a bit better.

How Does My Garden Grow - Harvest Season

Gardening season has just about come to an end.   It's time to pull all the dying plants, turn the beds, and inventory my seeds for next year.    Our sole remaining harvest, sweet potatoes, will come out next week.  We're hoping they look good.

This year was a mixed one.  Near-constant rain through July and August slowed the harvest and bogged down a few plants.  As a result, the bulk of our tomato and pepper harvest came in early to mid-September.  Our fingerling potatoes did well, and we plucked a single acorn squash but our sole pumpkin got infested with squash borers, then helpfully eaten by some local wildlife.

We did well with cherry tomatoes, but the larger heirlooms we planted didn't provide us much this year - enough for a few pints of salsa (6 to be exact, made with locally grown onions and our own cilantro), but not enough for making and canning batches of pasta sauce.

We did well with basil from our own plants and the CSA, so my husband made and froze some large batches of pesto.  Fresh garden pesto tastes wonderful in the cold of winter.  Today we'll be roasting peppers to freeze, that will top salads and homemade pizza for months to come.

All this was in addition to the lettuce, squash and other things we harvested for in-season eating.

We also blanched and froze green and wax beans, which we'll enjoy over the cold season.  In addition, the transplanted raspberry bushes gave a few treats, and they are thriving.  We should see a good raspberry and blackberry harvest next year.  Both apple trees and our cherry tree are thriving, and next year we'll be putting in some peaches and an apricot tree.   We'll also be able to take advantage of the first asparagus harvest next spring.  

It was a small harvest this year, but a good one nonetheless.  Given the weather, my pregnancy exhaustion, and our busy life, I am a little disappointed, but not terribly.  It was our first year with our garden, and while it wasn't the large source of winter food we daydream about, the perk of gardening is that there is always next year.  

3 garden beds got built this year, and they will be planted while we create more in the spring. Our ultimate goal is 7-8 of them.  It may take a couple years to get there, but it will be worth the effort.

Our local food experiment is still in progress.  It will take a few years to come to fruition, but I look forward to the process.   And every tomato I slice that didn't get trucked in from somewhere else is filled with the seeds of our future.  

A Memorial, An Election, And Wild Mood Swings

Today is September 11th. I still remember this day in 2001. I was in a meeting. Someone came in and said 'Put on CNN, someone blew up the World Trade Center'. And so we watched, in horrified mesmerization, as the second plane hit the trade center, and the towers fell. And saw the flames shooting out of the Pentagon. And watched those who jumped a hundred stories to certain death, rather than submit themselves to the flames.

I worked on a military base at the time, so we went home shortly thereafter. I went and sat on the beach and cried.

Unlike some of my coworkers, I didn't know anyone who worked in the World Trade Center. But that day, we were all one nation, in our grief and horror.

It may have been the last time we came together like that. Since then, it's all about red vs. blue. Conservative vs. liberal. Rich vs. poor. Hater vs. hatee. Or so it seems sometimes. Things aren't going so hot in the American economy. The market has worse mood swings than a teenager. We don't trust companies to do the right thing, and we don't trust our government - they can't even figure out that torturing people is...well, torture.

And I'm just hoping at no point do I have to face the idea of President Palin - I may have to move to Canada if that comes to pass. I'd love to see a woman in the White House, but not that woman.

But there is hope, both for the future and for our wallets. The market will stabilize, if for no other reason than people are so tired of trying to predict where things are going that they will take up Bocce instead of market-watching. The impact to our collective wallets is putting us at home more, which is never a bad thing. Hey, if one more family sits down to dinner together, I'm all for it.

But it's painful, both to experience, and to watch. I took a look at my 401k balance the other day and wished immediately that I had forgotten it existed, and that the selective amnesia would stay in place until at least 2012, when the world is supposed to end anyway. I'd rather it didn't, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about my 401k balance.

I am torn between sympathy for the homeowners who struggle, and a reluctance to support bad decisions. Between knowing the markets need to be shored up, and thinking that letting them fall might be just punishment for those who took unneccesary risks with other people's money. Between hating how we've offered up a bail-out-o-rama for big companies who do stupid things, and not wanting the employees and their kids to end up on a bread line.

There's no simple solutions . All I can do today mourn what is lost, hope for what might be, and live in the moment.

9/11 was a horrible day. But one good thing came out of it - we were all Americans first, and other things second. That's not to say we have to agree on things. We can even think each other has profoundly bad, or off the wall ideas. But we do have to live together, and maybe it's time we found a common bond again.

I heard said once that the saddest thing that happened to the US as a culture after 9/11 is we lost our hope. That it was the thing that was most appealing about us to our allies - our bright vision of the future, and the knowledge that things would get better. I say it's time to recapture that - that the legacy of 9/11 is not one of pain and fear, but of the determination that things will get better. The market will take some mood stabilizers, the government will stop trying to rule by fear, and companies will stop padding the golden parachutes of their CEOs and remember to hand out the occasional raise.


I think those that died 7 years ago today might agree with that.

On Vacation

Ms Moneypenny is on vacation until September 8, 2008

Have a safe and happy labor day!

Never Take the First Offer

Last week, amid lower oil prices, and a rising stock market, I got a boomerang slap from the rebounds of the shaky economy.  I came into work on Thursday morning to be informed that my consulting firm had been forced to take a 10% rate reduction from my client, and that was being passed to me in the form of a 10% pay cut.  As of this coming Monday.  

I informed my consulting firm that I wasn't going to take it, and since I knew they had previously offered my client a rate reduction without impact to their consultants, I informed them I needed to hear offers - that I would be flexible, but not 10% flexible.

So they countered me a 6% reduction, with a rate increase at the end of January that would make up some more of what I had lost.  I might not be back to my current rate at the end of January, but close.

My consulting firm has been reasonably straight shooters with me for the year I've been with them, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and accepted that, with the caveat that this would not be permanent - that when things ease, they go back to the table with both the client and me.

But I wasn't willing to take the 10% without some negotiation, and it worked to my benefit.  I'm still not very happy, but a bit of a rate cut is better than a layoff.  

Why was I so willing to push back?  Because I believe the first offer on the table is never the one to take.  That there is always negotiating room in financial dealings.  Always.  It's why, before the bottom dropped out of the market we got the previous owner to come down over 7% of her asking price - things were slowing, but she could have bet on a spring uptick in the housing market in 2007.  Good that she didn't -  both for us and for her.

It's why I made the dealership where we bought my husband's car come back 5 - yes 5 - times before I agreed to a price (I am the haggler in our house).  

It's also why I managed to double my salary in under 3 years.  

I never take the first offer made.  I might take the second, or maybe the fifth,  but unless I feel that I'm getting a good deal, I walk away.

Negotiating is a skill that I think needs to be used more in our marketplace.  Americans are conditioned to view the sticker price as the price.  But negotiating has a place in the American economy, especially around big-ticket items, such as a salary, a home, or a car.

Smaller things can be negotiated too.  My husband and I have the best luck with small, local businesses - the folks who did our yard cleanup in the spring, the company that replaced our oil tanks.  I am having our heating oil tanks filled next week, and I fully plan to see if our current company will match the deals from other local businesses I've found.  See, I want to give our current company my business.  I like them.  But I am a price conscious consumer, and proud of it.

I don't negotiate on everything.  Food quality, local farmers....I don't go there.  If something is too costly, I don't buy it, but I certainly am not going to push someone with a tiny profit margin for 50 cents.  But when it comes to hundreds or thousands, I'm willing to negotiate a bit.  Even if it's just smiling and saying 'Is that the best offer you can make me?'.  Sometimes those 9 words save me significantly.  

I think more people don't negotiate because they believe it hurts someone.  It doesn't.  I can assure you companies want your business as much as you want their services.  Especially in this economy.  Having a long-term customer is more valuable, in many cases, than the cost of taking a few bucks off here and there.  And remember, the business can always say no.  I respect that. I might go elsewhere, but I still respect it.

So how can you negotiate?  Here's a few simple things that really work.

1. Ask: Is that the best you can do?

Those simple words open the negotiations, and put the next move in the other person's lap, without you having to ask for a specific  percent, or dollar amount.  In other words, you've clearly stated "I want a better deal" but without having to put your cards on the table.

2. When they come back to you: That's a little higher than I was thinking

Now you still haven't put a dollar amount on the table, but they know you want a better deal. This gives your negotiatee two options - to ask you what you want, or to make a second offer.  

3. $X is being offered.....

This is a great way to open a negotiation.  I know for a fact that three other local firms are offering heating oil at $3.50 a gallon near me as of this writing.  Our current oil company wants $3.67 a gallon.  If they are willing to meet, beat, or make me a counter, I'll work with them.  

4. I'm sorry, that's just too high

For this one, you have to be willing to walk.  I always, always, have a walking away amount in mind for large purchases.  With our home, the seller came in just $500.00 below our walking away price.  I'm glad she did, but we would have walked if she had not.  So don't toss this one out unless you know your bottom line.

5. Don't be afraid to walk away and come back

My in-laws did this with their home.  The price was too high, so they walked.  A month or two later, they came back.  The house was still sitting with no bites.  And they got their price.  You must know your market to do this, but it often pays off.  And if it doesn't, at least you didn't overpay.

Do I win every negotiation?  No.  Sometimes it takes 3 or more phone calls to different businesses, or rounds of negotiation to get to a place that everyone can live with.  Sometimes I give more than I would like to.  But never do I give more than I'm willing to.

You too, can negotiate.  It's easier than you think.  So the next time you are making a purchase, just ask "Is that the best you can do?"

See what happens.  You just might like the results. 

A Local Food Update

This spring, I catalogued our desire to eat locally.  In order to do so, we planted several beds of a vegetable garden.  As of this writing, 3 of our desired 8 beds got dug and planted.  We'll have those to plant in spring while we dig more.

In addition, we joined a CSA, to get a farm share.  Every Sunday from early June on, we've gone to our local farm to bring home a bounty of vegetables, herbs, flowers and fruit.  

But things didn't quite work out as we planned, and much of the food was given away, or composted.  This wasn't exactly what we were going for, but just as summer's bounty was coming into full flower (so to speak), so did I.  I got pregnant.  And started having some serious food aversions.  Specifically to vegetables.  

The mere smell of grilling squash curdled my stomach.  Greens?  Ugh.  I was lucky to make it through the first trimester with barely a touch of nausea, but vegetables became an anathema.  

For a while, all of them, with the exception of potatoes.  Recently I've been managing salad greens (just as lettuce went pretty much out of season, but I've got some more planted for fall), tomatoes, cucumbers, and broccoli.  Corn too.  The list broadens each week, thankfully.  

Seeing as it had taken us 22 months to get to this point, the fact that some veggies didn't get eaten probably seems a small price to pay, but it was hard to swallow the idea that I wasn't eating the way I like to eat.  Our typical stir fries and grilled veggies went out the window in favor of comfort food - pastas and other carb-heavy foods.  If it hadn't been for my fruit cravings, I might have been completely nutritionally deprived. 

Yeah, comfort food.  In summer. I know.  

Add to that my all-too-common first trimester exhaustion, and more than one store-bought chicken pot pie got eaten instead of all the amazing foodstuffs coming out of the ground from the local farmers.  BJs over farmers markets.  Stuff from boxes.  Cans.  The freezer section.

Sigh.  Add to that me being a too tired to write my blog most days - not to mention tiredness making me unable to process any complex thinking, and it's been an interesting summer.  

I have managed to bake bread most weeks, and that has been rewarding indeed.  Between a recipe for no-knead bread, and sourdough starter passed on from a friend, it's been a good bread season.  

As I pass into my second trimester, things are getting better.  Yesterday I dug up our first batch of homegrown fingerling potatoes, and have visions of herb roasting them with the local chicken from our CSA are running through my head.  I'm again daydreaming about uses the fresh pesto we've started to make.  I've managed to blanch and freeze some beans, and will be making a large batch of fresh salsa to can and serve at our annual cookout.  

Our sole pumpkin is ripening on the vine, ready to be turned into pie for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  The sweet potatoes are looking great, and mashing and baking them will be a joy when the weather turns colder.  

The peppers in the garden are starting to redden, and the tomatoes, while still mostly green, are coming along.  A combination of near-daily rain and lack of tying up have stunted their development, but there are gobs of them on the vines, if the frosts will hold off until at least late September. 

It hasn't been the best local food season we could have had, certainly not the one I daydreamed about while I started my seedlings in March.  But it could have been worse.  Good things happened, just not the ones I expected. 

The nice thing about gardening is that there is always next year.  Will we do the CSA again?  I don't know.  Parts of it I have loved, parts not so much.  Next year, with a hopefully larger garden (and a small-ish child) we'll grow enough that supplementing from a farmers market and various farm stands may be a better option, so we'll be mulling that over for a bit.  We've got until January to decide.

Despite our less-than-stellar attempt at local food this year, impending parenthood has confirmed my desire to eat responsibly.  And that means locally.  The pride I felt in bringing a salad to a family cookout that was almost entirely locally or self-grown confirmed that.  And I know the food coming out of the ground in our yard isn't subjected to contaminants or being trucked from thousands of miles away.  The world is running low on oil, and running far to high in toxins, so whatever I, and my family can do to lessen that impact is a good thing.  As Mother Theresa said, we can only do small things with great love.    And what is more loving than feeding one's family and friends great food that's good for them and Mother Earth?

Things didn't turn out quite the way I planned this year.  Not by a long shot.  But it's been a good summer nonetheless.   And local food matters more to me than ever.  

Because it's not just about me anymore.  I'm going to be someone's mother.  

Mixed Money Messages

A recent comment on my blog got me thinking about the mixed messages we get about money, and how they impact people's viewpoints.

It's interesting to me how many different messages there are out there about money. Does staying near a job with stable, healthy income mean you are materialistic? You might think so if you talk to folks who tell you it's happiness, not money that matters, and income isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Well, that's great, unless you can't figure out how to pay the bills.

But then, should you have all those bills anyway? Live on less.

Okay, which less? Phone? Electricity? Heat? Food?
The 'live on less' folks are right to an extent - our modern expectations are incredibly outsized. No one needs an iPod or a flatscreen. But I'm not becoming a breatharian to suit anyone, sorry. There's balance here.

So we shouldn't acquire them?
This is where things get sticky. There's an environmental and financial cost to everything we do. And we have to pick and choose. Should you not redo your kitchen? I don't know. I can't make that decision for you. I know that for me, not liking an appliance isn't sufficient reason to replace it - but it's breaking is. On the other hand, if our much-hated washing machine died tomorrow, I wouldn't be sad at having to replace it, not one bit.

I think the folks that replace their furniture every couple years because they feel like redecorating should consider the impacts to the world around them. Then again, I sort of like getting their fantastic, mildly used stuff at cheap prices. Still, it's clear the world can't support wanton acquisition.

Yeah, Moneypenny, we're renovation & acquisition happy in the US. What ever happened to being happy with what you have?
Good point. But even Pa Ingalls in the Little House on the Prarie books kept adding on to his house. This is not a new phenomena, it's just that access to stuff is unprecedented these days.

Like with all things, I believe in happy mediums.

I don't have a perfect answer. I think all you can do is think about what you really want and need. I can't choose it for you, and I don't have the perfect regulations to throw out there.

I do know that wanting a bathroom that doesn't leak water every time you shower and looks kind of nice too isn't a judgement-worthy item. And if you can afford marble subway tile, who am I to say you shouldn't, even though I think the mountains of Carrara, Italy might have looked nicer if they weren't chipped down so they no longer have true peaks.

And maybe that money would be better spent making sure the elderly widow in your neighborhood has enough heating oil for the winter. Yeah, yeah, I know you work hard for your money. Me too.

These are issues that I struggle with all the time - what's enough? At what point can people be judgy? What should be regulated? What's up to us to choose?

It's clear the market in free for all doesn't make good choices, but also clear that regulating things unilaterally often doesn't take into account that one size doesn't fit all.

I don't have answers, but I do know that assuming the worst about people's financial choices is something that has come out of all the mixed messages we get about money....and I don't think it makes us better people. There has to be a better way - banding together to help each other make good choices, rather than tearing each other down for making different ones.

What do you think?